Cooking

The problem is I'm an optimist. Not the happy-go-lucky kind; But the kind who takes the role of being an optimist very seriously.

Show me a gray sky and I promise to scour it carefully until I find the tiny spot of blue in it! Tell me your pet fer-de-lance died, and I'll reassure you that its in a better place (and well there are always dogs), etc. until I convince myself, and hopefully you, that things are better than before.

So when I told K that I would arrange a delicious cultural night for his mother when she visited Oxford; And then sat up all night worrying how I would ever cook ANY of the things I had promised to; I managed to convince myself that BBC recipes and an understanding of heat transfer was all that I required. Did it matter that Id never made an omelette in my life? 'Course not! Nadia Giosia, at some point, must have scrambled an egg for the first time too! And it must have been a pretty good egg for her to have made a career of it. Hence proved. I could totally, without any experience at all, make a 3 course authentic Indian meal.

Finally Sunday arrived. I had spent the whole of Saturday buying everything that I thought would be useful, from good ol garam masala to obscure herb things. I felt I had done a pretty good job! PB was kind enough to say she would help me and we had planned on making a Konkan prawn curry and rice.

We started well in advance.

We lugged the prawns out of their neat Tesco cases and mixed them with coconut milk in a handi. We put the rice in the pressure cooker and allowed it cook.

'Pdez, wheres the salt?,' PB asked.
I triumphantly opened the cabinet drawer and showed her the vast array of masalas I had bought the previous day.

'It's right in here,' I said. 'Arent I well organized?' (I always feel very grownupish when I pronounce myself to be 'well organized)

We painstakingly went through each of the neatly labelled containers in quest of the salt.
I painstakingly went through them again.
I was about to start going through them for the third time, when PB said (a trifle irritably)

'Its not here dude. Though why on earth you have Slovakian wild gnarl essence and Icelandic wagawaga powder and NOT have salt is beyond me!'

I was about to expostulate. Why maybe the absence of salt would inspire us with some sort of molecular gastronomy idea, and perhaps we'd prepare a meal that would be in culinary textbooks. Maybe this was Fate _thrusting_ greatness on to us! I sniffed at PB's rebuke, and when she wasnt looking added a mix of spices to the prawns. I was sure shed thank me later because OFCOURSE I would share credit!

K and his mother arrived soon after. K had with him a large frozen pizza, a chicken and plenty of drinks. 'Just in case the Indian food doesnt work out' he said. I snorted.

'Ye of little faith! Not only are you going to have the greatest Indian food of your life, but you're also going to have to eat all this pizza and chicken yourself because no one will want to eat it after our concoction!

K rolled his eyes. Its a pity he knows me a tad too well.

'Well put the pizza in the oven and I'll eat it if I have to' he answered.

I assented and popped it in. I turned the dial until I saw the light come on and stepped back muttering curse words that sounded like 'unnecessary' and 'useless'

It was meal time! PB and I took the prawn curry and rice off the stove. I bore the handi to the table, feeling like some kind of high priestess.
PB and I had cooked an awful lot and I gave everyone a generous helping!

K took the first bite and a peculiar expression came on his face. He and his mother sat quietly, chewing in grim, determined silence. I instantly knew something was wrong! I took a bite.

Dear Reader, I have never tasted anything as horrible as that mixture in my life. It tasted like- Oh I cant even describe it! I whipped everyones plates from them. I was nearly in tears. I rushed to the oven to take out the pizza. It was still frozen! PB came rushing after me.

'Dont worry Pdez! Isnt it great we have a lovely pizza! -- Oh you silly girl, why havent you turned the oven on!'

'I did!' I gulped. Look at the light!

PB pushed past me and did something. All of a sudden, a warmth filled the room. 'Oh dear, didnt you know there is a separate button for the light?'

Everyone burst into a cloud of merriment. In 15 minutes we were cozily eating hot pizza in the kitchen.

After everyone left, I quietly went back and tried a teaspoon of the prawn curry. Ugh, it actually WAS as bad as the first time.
I sighed.

Well, next time I'll probably try something simpler!