Monday, January 28, 2013

Patricia Brent, Spinster

Yesterday, I read 'Patricia Brent, Spinster' by Herbert Jenkins. The book is about a girl, stuck in life as a secretary, forced to live in a boarding house. She hears the old cats at the house pitying her for not having a man. On an impulse she announces that she will be meeting her fiance at a fancy hotel the next day. This thunderbolt sends all the pussies quivering with curiosity.

The next day she is forced to keep up the pretense and goes to the hotel. She thinks that she will have a quiet dinner alone. Lo and behold she finds the cats have come to spy on her. In a lightening flash, she goes up to a man and asks him to play up to her (The man obviously is a lord and the most eligible man in England) . They have such a good time together, that the inevitable happens, they fall in love. The man tries to better their acquaintance, but the girl gets offended when he pursues her, because her pride cannot take the way in which she forced herself on his acquaintance. Then the man's sister shows them both that they really love each other and it ends with a wedding.

A ridiculous story line and yet it was sweetly told. The girl had all the virtues under the sun from beauty, style to intelligence and is a very satisfying heroine; the man likewise. The most glaring issue in the story however, is 'propriety' and how different classes of society interpret it.

The lords and ladies are least concerned with it, while the less well born, like our heroine are obsessed with it. By contrast, we are introduced to the charming, simple Mr. Triggs who is a noveau riche. He too is unconcerned with class distinctions but tells his simple, sweet lovestory with wet eyes and is seen as a champion of true love.

Mr. Trigg's however is still a millionaire and can afford to be himself, but what about our heroine, Patricia? While reading the book, I felt irritated at how she would not grasp the happiness that was offered to her on the proverbial silver platter. This started me wondering. How important is propriety today, and what does it mean?

My answer is nothing! We have books like Patricia Brent, Spinster. If we went by the book, we would know life from the start. But if we factored in, our knowledge of what happens when one clings to the burdensome mantle of propriety as portrayed in the book; And include our cynical distrust in fairy tales, it all points to one thing: The Breaking Down of Convention. All possibilities has already been explored by the hundreds of writers of yore. Hence, the only thing left to do, is to recognize the story lines in our lives and add our own twists to them. A twist that we have not yet read about.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Fancies


If I can't have a white Christmas, then serve me up a green one. Give me trees studded with birds. Give me buttercups that are blobs of curdled sunshine; shoe flowers, white as snow with red, red streaks at their heart and friendly daisies that smile up at you as you blow them an airy kiss. And in the still, crisp nights I want to see merry girls with dark hair and pretty dresses. Their hair really being bits of the sky cut out, to let the stars shine through. I want to see droves of fireflies as they flit by and keep the darkness at bay.

And most of all give me dreams! A lovely golden boat of dreams that tips over when caught on a star and empties wishes into our hearts. A string of fancies that sparkle like tiny waves in the sunlight. Flecks of gold, that wander helter skelter, enticing us on and finally leading us home

Monday, August 27, 2012

Squiggles


I've always found writing to be an amazing stress buster. This probably explains the tiny pencil squiggles all over the walls in my room.

Thankfully, my hall manager hasn't checked up on me yet and so the squiggles keep building up. From where I'm sitting I can see the following quotes:

'Good girls go to Heaven but Bad gurls got to London'
and

'DO noble things, don't dream them all day long
And so make life, death and that vast forever,
One grand sweet song'

followed by a blurry

'It must have been Love
But it's over now...'

I can also see bits and pieces of a To Do list followed by a sharp invective :P

One peremptorily reads,

'Must have a bath' F&*!

And here in a corner I can see, the following string of words:

'Photoelectrochemical cells, Algae, Flux analysis. CHECK!'

I have a list of the universities I want to apply to on the wall beside my laptop. And above this list I've signed the following statement:

'The minute I get a good result. I shall come to Hyderabad.' -PdeSouza
This was attested by Tanushree Prasad on 20/8/2012 :)

My whole life seems to be spun around these phrases.
Right now, as I pull my hair out and try and get some work done, different phrases remind me of the good, the bad and the embarrassing things I've done.

They serve as a perpetual reminder that at any point in time, whether I'm on the Highest of Highs or the Lowest of Lows, Life has so much to offer.

There! my eye just passed over a squiggle that explains what I mean:

'Life is not an ashes to ashes or a dust to dust existence, but a soaring gift snatched from eternity'






Wednesday, August 22, 2012

blue

I suddenly feel so miserably insignificant today.

Everything I do is so pointless. I feel like I've been battling the universe to prove something and today I just can't seem to remember what that thing is.

It all started when this morning when I started looking at photographs on facebook and saw congratulatory posts and I had this weird 'dwarfing feeling' as Aditya B says.

Then the procedural maze at the lab to use a simple XRD apparatus bogged me down. To access XRD results, I have to wait TWO WEEKS. It took me a week to get signatures and now they're going to take another week for the scan. A black box period. How will I trust their results?! Maybe they'll feel lazy this week and give me some bogus data!

Why am I running around, fighting the system?!

Then I met my professor and he just found it funny that things are so slow in IIT. Hello? What about me dude? I felt unutterably weary as I sat in his office. Okay, I know I'm not myself when I feel an analogy from Harry Potter bubbling up to the surface. But I honestly felt as if a Dementor was sitting next to me, sucking up every positive feeling I had. I felt so drained.

Anyway time for a nap to forget everything. Then quiz time. :-/

Yay me!

To say I'm pissed would be an understatement.

I found the above post in my drafts. I guess it was too depressing for me to want to put it up on my blog at that time. I'm feeling blue again, dear reader. Life isn't the rosy sunset I once dreamed it would be. I'm going to mix up Ignatius Loyola's quote now, 'What profits a man if he gains the whole world but doesn't have a single friend to rejoice and celebrate with?'. I'm lucky and grateful to have made the best, most loyal friends in college. I've met people I've admired tremendously, so why do I keep wanting things I don't/can't have?

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Next Chapter


Dear Reader. Have you ever tasted heartache? Not the romantic kind, but the kind where a lot of familiar, friendly things seem to be slipping away from you?

Right until graduation, I felt close to my friends even though they weren't in Mumbai, but now they seem to be slowly but surely sailing away into a sunset; a gorgeous red and golden future of which I have no part.

I'm happy for them. I wish they always sail on clouds of glory so that I can tell my grand children, d'you know so and so? Well I used to go partying with them! Ha!

For there's no doubt about it, that each of them is going to be a very great, a very special person some day. They not only have the ability but also the drive and the ambition which are equally important. I have been inspired by them, and I have admired them.

The best thing that has ever happened to me was getting into IIT. Finally, it is not the lectures, or the opportunities which I value most, though they were certainly very helpful, but the people I have met. They showed me how to live. How to be passionate about something, how to want to contribute to a cause and most of all, how to just be myself.

They accepted me for who I was, an overly dramatic, crazy nerd. I didn't have to pretend to be cooler than I was, or nerdier than I was. They were my friends all the same. I've felt that most of my life, I've tried to adjust to the people around me in order to fit in. But in IIT I realized that not fitting in was the key to fitting in, and not fitting in, simply meant being myself.

I am grateful that I got a chance to meet the people I have become closest to. They are going to be starting new lives in a different country, but I guess I'll be starting a new life too. Here's to the next chapter!

Cheers.






Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Searching for Patterns


Life is like a great gilded book. Every second, the book expands as closely written pages are added to it. What is the book about? Why you and me!

Somehow, sometime, a dot of ink spilled on the first page and streaked out into the beginning of a story. As new characters were introduced, the story snowballed; driven by the momentum of the characters themselves.

If a tapestry could be woven reflecting the connections between the various characters, , Mandelbrot himself would probably be bewildered at the fantastic complexity of the picture; as hundreds of millions of microcosms cut across each other to form a picture that never seems to be complete; but is always tending to perfect symmetry.

Sometimes, one is rewarded by a flash, a view of a pattern which causes one's heart to ache with the beauty of it. And that's the secret. We search for these patterns, these micro symmetries and forget the all encompassing trend.

Everyone's actions affect everyone else. Just by existing, you are part of the pattern which would be completely different if not for you. I've given a great deal of thought to this. Sometimes I deliberately give in to crazy impulses just to see the pattern change and see the birth of new symmetries.

It's when I give in to my impulses that I most strongly feel that I am the Writer of my own Life. I feel Powerful as I control every other character in the book. They would not be where they are doing what they were doing if not for me.

P.S: This whole post is fresh evidence that I'm crazy. But the image of the book haunted me today and i had to put it down. I don''t understand exactly my own analogies but some part of me dimly understands what I have written.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

"We are Young"




She was caught in a whirl of music, alcohol and dance. She threw her armor to the wind and responded to the rhythm. "We are young!" the crowd sang. And suddenly, she was shocked to find her cheeks wet with tears.

She woke up in a cold sweat and realized that it had just been a dream. She got up shakily and looked at her old, wrinkled, face in the mirror. Time had not been kind to her. Her hair was white as snow and her eyes looked so disillusioned and tired. A shudder wracked her frame. The only thing that was real were the tears.